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  Why am I writing about a “first world problem” or a “top 1 percent” problem? After all, there will probably not be a lot of billionaires reading this book. But whether you’re a billionaire or not, you need to understand that financial success does not fix everything. Or, as I like to say, if you think a lot of money will solve all your problems, then you’ve never had a lot of money.

  How to Spend Your Money to Buy Happiness

  You might be saying, “OK, Jim, so I accept that money won’t fix all of my problems. But how can I squeeze the most happiness out of the assets that I do have?” To accomplish this, you need to pay attention to what you buy, and for whom.

  Authors Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton wrote Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending to determine how to get the biggest happiness bang for your buck. Dr. Dunn is an associate professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. Dr. Norton is a professor at Harvard Business School.

  They note the brain’s tendency to get used to circumstances (which we will cover later in detail), and cite research that recommends buying a variety of goods and services that boost happiness because they are harder for the brain to adjust to.

  Here are their five principles of “happy money”:

  1. Buy Experiences. The brain does not adapt as well to experiences as it does to things. Over time, experiences grow in value. Even bad experiences can make for a good story. And almost all experiences involve other people — which taps into our human need for social interaction.28

  2. Make It a Treat. Even the most wonderful thing becomes ho-hum when it becomes routine. But human brains love surprises.29

  3. Buy Time. Spend money on products and services that will free up some of your time. To get the biggest happiness boost, spend this “extra time” with family and friends — not on TV or commuting.30

  4. Pay Now, Consume Later. “Because delaying consumption allows spenders to reap the pleasures of anticipation, without the buzzkill of reality,” Dunn and Norton write, “vacations provide the most happiness before they occur.”31

  5. Invest in Others. The authors cite new research which demonstrates that “spending money on others provides a bigger happiness boost than spending money on yourself.”32

  (For more details on this last point, see Chapter Two on Relationships, and its sections on Compassion.)

  My favorite principle on this list is “Buy Experiences” — perfect for anyone who loves travel. Out of the many tremendous travel experiences I’ve bought in my life, perhaps the best example was when I went to India in 1987. At the time, I was fortunate to have a Fulbright scholarship to study at the lovely university in Tübingen, West Germany.

  German universities at that time had very long semester breaks — roughly from late February to late April. The Fulbright organizers had scheduled a week-long “mid-year reunion” in Berlin in March, for the ~200 Americans who were studying in Germany. I was sure it would be fun, and I’d get to see some great people. But I thought hard about how else I could creatively make the best use of my time and money.

  I contemplated a few possibilities:

  I could go back to visit my parents in Nebraska. But that seemed to be a waste of a tremendous opportunity to see more of the world. I could spend two months of the gloomy, rainy German winter in my dorm room, or at least go check out Berlin. I could try to backpack around the warmer parts of Southern Europe, but I had been to Italy, Greece, and Turkey already. Or, I could ignore the Fulbright mid-year conference entirely and travel the whole time somewhere really cheap and completely out of my comfort zone. I ultimately chose to go to India.

  Using the student travel agency, I bought a ticket to Delhi. For the trip home, I had a flight from Mumbai (“Bombay” at the time) back to Frankfurt. Total cost — $600.

  I spent six weeks in India, traveling by bus and train from Delhi to Agra, Varanasi, back to Agra, Pushkar, Udaipur, Bombay, Goa, and then back to Bombay. I saw sunrise at the Taj Mahal, witnessed cremations on the Ganges River, rode camels in the desert, visited palaces, and slept on the beach. As time went on, my long blond hair reached my shoulders, I grew a beard, and I jettisoned my jeans in favor of the India dhoti pants. If studying in Germany started my transformation into a hippie, then going to India certainly sealed the deal.

  But that’s all just external stuff. Much more importantly, I met, chatted with, and ate with countless wonderful, kind, hospitable Indians: Hindus. Muslims. Sikhs. Christians. Buddhists. I remember meeting a brother and sister who had an old sewing machine that they used to make clothes for tourists like me. They lived in a very simple hut in Goa, with a view of the glistening ocean. Looking around, it seemed like they had nothing. But they were sweet, fun, funny, and apparently very happy. At that moment, more than any previous time, I realized that a person could live a very joyous life, even if they had very little “stuff.”

  The entire cost of the trip was $1200 (worth roughly $2677 in today’s dollars), for six weeks of life-changing adventures. Looking back, I’m hard-pressed to imagine what else I possibly could have done, on such a limited budget, which would have left such a positive, lasting impression on me.

  That’s one way to “Buy Experiences.”

  Write About Your Work

  In this chapter on Work, we’ve discussed your work purpose, calling, nonnegotiables, what money can and cannot do for your happiness, and how to best spend it to maximize your happiness. In order to buy experiences, you have to have a certain level of money in the first place. Which is where work comes in.

  How’s work been for you? Has it been a great source of energy, passion, joy, and self-expression? Is it something you do as little as possible, just for the money? Has your relationship to work evolved over time, just as your life, your relationships, and your financial situation have evolved as well? Let’s explore this more deeply …

  Writing Activity 8:

  Imagine you died today. How would you feel about the work you did, in terms of compensation, lifestyle, impact, and meaning to you?

  I like to ask this question, because it forces you to review the legacy you have, right now, with the “work” you’ve done. If you got hit by a bus crossing the street today, then you would be finished writing the story of your work and its impact.

  You would no longer have time to switch careers or go back to graduate school.

  You would no longer be able to actively add value or make a difference.

  To help you organize your thoughts on how to answer this broad question, I like to suggest a framework to highlight the different ways to think about your work. Compensation is often thought of as financial, though you could “get paid” in other benefits as well, such as through the pleasure of learning. Lifestyle might allow you to have an excellent work/life balance, even if the other components are suboptimal. Many MBAs that I’ve known love the idea of “impact,” which is sometimes another word for “power.” We’ve already discussed the importance of meaning. “Work” can include working in a typical corporate situation, having your own gig, being a full-time parent or homemaker, or any combination of these.

  So what did you come up with in your writing? Any surprises or epiphanies? Was it easy or hard to answer this question? A happiness workshop participant in San Francisco once told me that she enjoyed the intellectual challenge of doing marketing for a giant oil company, but the work lacked any sort of meaning for her. Other people have told me that they loved their lifestyle, even though their work was not challenging. And many have noted that they found great meaning in their work, even if the compensation was low and the lifestyle was tough.

  One of the first happiness workshops I did was for Jen, a woman who asked me to speak to her friends from her monthly book club. I thought the evening went great, and I received excellent feedback. About six months later, I ran into Jen, and I asked her if the session had had any lasting
impact. She told me that after the workshop, about one third of the participants had decided to change careers. Should I disclose that they were all unhappy lawyers, seeking to do something more fulfilling with their lives? In any case, I viewed this as progress.

  Writing Activity 9: Action Plan

  Based on what you wrote about your work, what do you need to do or change?

  If you are not happy with anything you wrote in Writing Activity 8, I’d like you to use Writing Activity 9 to develop a plan for making some changes. Make sure to take into account everything we’ve covered in this chapter — defining your calling, asking what the world needs from you, understanding your nonnegotiables, asking, “What would it take?”, and understanding the appropriate role for money.

  Some possibilities:

  •Work longer hours.

  •Work shorter hours.

  •Work smarter.

  •Switch managers.

  •Switch departments.

  •Switch locations.

  •Switch employers.

  •Start to work for yourself — even if part time, as a side gig.

  •Pursue another career entirely.

  •Get additional training, schooling, or certifications, either

  part-time or full-time.

  •Take a few months off.

  •Retire.

  What can you accomplish in the next 30 to 90 days? Map out a timeline for the things you need to learn and do, the people you need to meet, and the obstacles you need to overcome, so you can get closer to doing work that has more meaning for you. I understand that this might seem like a daunting task, but just getting the ball rolling will start to build momentum that will boost your confidence.

  Once you decide what you want to do, it’s helpful to make a public commitment to others. Telling one more person about your “secret career desire” is powerful in its own right. But telling a lot of people will make it more real in your mind. You’ll get used to putting into words exactly what you mean. You’ll have to answer questions and explain in simple language – which forces you to crystallize your thoughts. For me, it was one thing to dream about “writing a self-help book.” It was much better when I could put into words, “I’m writing a simple guide on how you can create your happiness, because happiness is a skill you can develop.”

  Reach out to at least 20 people that you know and tell them of your plans. Even more people will see what you’re doing, and almost magically appear to help you, in often unexpected ways. As the German writer Johann Wolfgang von Goethe stated, “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.”33 He was a Romantic poet. Romantics believe that dreams come true. Make it happen!

  Writing Activity 10:

  If you knew that you would be healthy for another five years, and then you’d fall over dead, what changes would you make in your life?

  Why don’t you start right now?

  I like to ask this question in my master classes, when participants tell me they’re not happy with their current work, but they don’t know what work they would find truly fulfilling. At least sometimes, deep down inside, they know the answer, but they’re afraid to say it even to themselves, let alone share it with others.

  Death has a wonderful way of helping you focus. In the days after I got my cancer diagnosis, when I was quite unsure whether I’d live another five years or 50 years, I became very clear on what I wanted to do with my remaining time.

  I had no more time for excuses.

  I had no more time for doubt.

  If I was ever going to do certain things, then I needed to start doing them immediately. And this insight and urgency led me to start conducting my Happiness Workshop.

  I also like this question because I think five years is a good chunk of time to start making an impact on what’s meaningful to you. If you had just three months to live before you keeled over and died, then you’d probably spend all that time with family and friends. If you had just a year to live, you’d probably do a lot of fun activities to scratch off your bucket list, in addition to spending time with loved ones.

  But if we keep extending out the time further and further (three years? five years? 10 years?), eventually, you’d probably say to yourself, “OK, enough of saying good bye to everyone. And enough of the surfing in Maui, climbing Machu Picchu, raving in Ibiza, and shopping in Paris. Now I’d like to do something meaningful, to create a legacy I can be proud of.”

  Notice that I did not ask how you would pay for the next five years of your life! But what’s much more interesting to think about is, “What would I be doing for the next five years, which I could afford to do, through my own income, which would be meaningful for me?” For help in answering this question, make sure to look at the sections on “What Are Your Nonnegotiables” and “What Would It Take?”

  Facing Your Fate … with Love

  I wish that the question above would always be a nice, abstract exercise. Unfortunately, it’s the real deal for some people.

  In late July of 2018, my wife and I drove from Hacienda Heights, east of Los Angeles, to visit my friend Mary Huffman. Mary and I were classmates at Stanford’s business school. I remember having lunch with Mary around 1995, when she told me about growing up in a trailer park, in poverty, in Southern California. Neither of her parents had finished high school. Mary was brilliant, kind, fun, and funny. Her husband Ted was the same. As we made our way to their home north of L.A., I was happy thinking that I could introduce my wife to them.

  Mary had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) for almost a year, although her symptoms had begun earlier. Tragically, the average life expectancy from initial symptoms is between two and four years — and Mary had the aggressive form of the disease. (You can learn more about their story here: https://www.tedandmary.com/)

  As amazingly kind and positive people, Mary and Ted were hoping for the best, but also realistically preparing for the likelihood that she wouldn’t be alive in two years or so. Mary’s speech had become slurred, as if she were very drunk, and was quite a bit worse than when I had spoken with her on the phone a few months earlier. She was bedridden, mostly fed through a tube going into her stomach, and at that point had to wear adult diapers. She had an iPad propped up on her lap and was tapping at it with a stiff finger. I was able to try out her Tobii Dynavox — the eye-tracking computer that scientist Stephen Hawking (another person with ALS) used to speak. Amazing stuff!

  Even more impressive was how I saw Mary and Ted focusing on what’s important when one has a lethal degenerative disease. Mary had recently written, “Helping others has always been my guiding passion, and now that I’m unable to even speak clearly anymore, walk, or use my hands, I can look back on a life much larger than I ever could have imagined. Thank you, my friends, for all the laughter and memories.”34

  It gave her a big boost to receive visitors, and she told me she was sad during the weeks when nobody came. She had placed scores of photos all over her walls and on the ceiling, along with rotating images on the TV screen, to remind her of all the loving people in her life. During our visit, they gave us blue “Team Mary” T-shirts with a Wonder Woman theme.

  We laughed a lot, but also had tears welling up in our eyes. Ted explained that for people with ALS, the pH level of their tears tends to burn their skin. So it felt like such a sacred honor to wipe tears of laughter from Mary’s eyes.

  Stacy, my wife, was especially sweet and loving. Her mom died in 1975, as the family fled Vietnam in boats as refugees. Stacy knows the sorrow of growing up without a mother.

  It was sad to imagine what Mary and Ted’s 15-year-old daughter and 13-year-old son were going through. Ted said very soberly that the family knew that they were dealing with a tough situation in taking care of Mom, but that it would not be this way forever. I was a bit surprised to hear Ted say this. On the one h
and, they needed to hope that Mary would “Steven Hawking the crap out of this” and live for many years. But on the other hand, they understood that the odds were against her surviving long.

  Despite the circumstances, Mary and Ted were very grateful to have access to quality care at Cedar Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, and that they could use technology to communicate, have visitors, and have an intact family. They noted that, given this disease, things could have been worse. I call that “inspiring optimism.”

  In Mary’s case, I suppose you could be angry at God or the universe — but that’s not very productive. Indeed, Ted and Mary were able to prepare for Mary’s incapacitation and focus on the time she had left.

  Less than two months after our visit, somewhere in my Facebook feed I saw this post from Mary:

  “If you are reading this post then I have passed away. I wrote this ahead of time because I want you all to know how amazing it has been having you in my life. I am incredibly grateful to all of you for the laughter and the love over the years. Someone recently asked me what my life philosophies are – here you go:

  - Don’t try to be perfect. Just be the best version of you that you can be.

  - Help others when you can

  - Don’t take your health for granted.

  Love to you all…”

  She was not yet 50 years old. I remain awestruck by the Huffman family’s love and courage.

  I wanted to share her story with you because it’s a reminder of how short life is — and how wonderful love of life, friends, and family can be.

  In my Happiness Workshop, I sometimes ask, “What would you do if you had five years to live?” Ironically, a few years ago, Mary actually attended my Happiness Workshop for the Stanford Business School Alumni Association Chapter in L.A. At the time, she was perfectly healthy. It’s likely that in that workshop, I quoted the Christian pastor Charles Swindoll, who said, “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.”35