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  Give thanks before meals. In the United States, we have the beloved national holiday of “Thanksgiving,” which is essentially a big gratitude meal. During the six years that I lived in Austria, Germany, and Spain, Thanksgiving was the holiday that I missed the most — the only one that really made me homesick. It’s easy to take issue with many aspects of the holiday, but if you look at the true spirit of sharing and being grateful, it’s simply wonderful. For many Americans, Thanksgiving is a reminder of the importance of family, friends, and community.

  I was raised to “say grace” before meals, which is related to the Spanish word “gracias,” or “thanks.” (“Grazie” in Italian.) It’s a delightful practice to stop, look at, and smell your food, to be thankful that you have anything at all to eat, and then to savor and enjoy what you have. This meal-related practice can then expand to appreciating other aspects of your life.

  In one of my workshops, a participant explained that she and her husband made sure to identify three good things that happened that day, as they started their dinner. “You can’t believe how much more positive our dinner conversations have become!” she exclaimed.

  Savor positive experiences. Think about the happiest times in your life. Bask in the good emotions from those times. The ability to savor good experiences is important, because of how your brain works. Your short-term memory can only hold around seven items for 20 to 30 seconds at a time. If you don’t capture the memory immediately, it will be gone forever.8

  But if you actively savor a positive event as intensely as you can, using all of your senses — sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing — then you will move that episode from short-term memory to long-term memory. As a result, you develop a database of happy memories, which you can draw upon at any time. Rutgers University psychology researcher Megan Speer and others found that “recalling positive autobiographical memories is intrinsically valuable, which may be adaptive for regulating positive emotion and promoting better well-being.”9

  I remember crossing a bridge in Paris called the Pont Neuf in the summer of 1985. The golden sun was setting over the River Seine. My camera had just run out of film. When I noticed that I could no longer take a photo to preserve this image, I was frustrated. But I decided to simply look at the gorgeous sunset anyway. I’ve never forgotten that moment.

  Live as if you’re moving away a month from now. This is a fun practice. Many of us act like we’re going to live where we live forever. But things change: people move, people die. Either way, you won’t be there forever.

  So you might appreciate your surroundings more if you get around to doing “the things tourists always do when they come here.” (Some places don’t ever have any tourists — which you can view as either really bad, or really good!) For example, if you live in New York City, then make it a point to actually go to the Statue of Liberty, or the top of the Empire State Building. In San Francisco, walk all the way across the Golden Gate Bridge (bring warm clothes!), or do a trip to Alcatraz Island. Living in London? Check out the British Museum, or see a show in the West End.

  These are the sorts of things you might want to do if you knew you were moving away a month from now. Don’t wait until you have to pack your bags to enjoy these activities. It’s all part of being grateful for where you live now.

  Volunteer. We addressed the benefits of volunteering already, in Chapter Two’s section on “Volunteer Work as a Compassion Practice.” In addition to helping you realize all that you have to be grateful for, volunteering will probably teach you a lot about courage, resilience, and love.

  Writing Activity 28:

  Related to your work, make a long list of people, things, and events for which you are grateful.

  Was that hard for you to write? If so, then here are some ideas which might resonate with you:

  If you have a formal employer …

  You get paid for the work you do.

  You might get paid really well.

  You might get paid even more than you think you should.

  You learn and develop your skills as you advance your career. You get to be creative, analytical, and efficient.

  You learn to communicate better.

  You get to meet clients and colleagues, some of whom might become your friends. Some of them will be friends for the rest of your life, regardless of where you work.

  You might fall in love with someone you meet through work. You might get married and have children someday. All of this is a result of you “taking a job” somewhere.

  You get to have an impact in the work you do. Maybe you build, repair, or manufacture things. Maybe you do analysis or give advice that helps others. Maybe you teach, train, or instruct people, and share lessons that can help others for decades into the future. Maybe you feed or entertain others, or take care of them. Maybe you help others make important buying decisions regarding products or services. Maybe you’re part of a political movement to ensure more justice and opportunity. Maybe you make things beautiful.

  If you commute to work …

  Your commute gives you a chance to listen to music, talk radio, or podcasts. You can read, see lots of other people, get outdoors, sleep, do affirmations, pray, or think about life.

  You get to work in an office that might have better views, better design, better food, a better health club, better heating, or better air conditioning than your own home.

  If you work from home …

  You don’t have to deal with a god-awful commute! It’s less likely that you’ll die in a car crash on the freeway. You save money on gasoline, car costs, and insurance. And you have less of a carbon footprint.

  You have a lot more flexibility regarding when you work, how you work, how you look, and what you wear.

  You can eat better at home, save on food costs, and not waste money on overpriced, addictive caffeine drinks.

  You might have a lot more freedom to fit your schedule to the schedules of your partner or children.

  If you are unemployed, underemployed, or in transition …

  You might actually be able to enjoy a lot more free time than you would normally have, and take care of your diet, health, and relationships.

  You have an opportunity to re-evaluate what sort of work you find truly rewarding and right for you.

  And once you find good employment, you’ll be more grateful for having that job.

  If you are a stay-at-home mom or dad …

  You do probably the most important work in our society — loving and caring for our youngest. This is often a very thankless job. It’s always a good time to give thanks to the moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and friends who keep our children safe and happy.

  Simultaneously …

  You get to be around and see your children as they grow.

  You have the joy of hearing their first words, seeing their first steps, and experiencing so many other “firsts.”

  You put in the extremely hard work, but also experience the enormous joy that comes from raising children.

  And some day — maybe — you’ll hear your children say, “Thanks for everything you did!”

  Is it naive or silly to be grateful for so many things, big and small?

  Some grouchy, cranky, cynical people would say, “yes.”

  But I say otherwise. Gratitude does not mean closing our eyes to the challenges and injustices in our world. Rather, it allows us to be happy in the present moment — focused, energized, appreciative, and ready to fight for what’s right.

  Writing Activity 29: Action Plan

  Express your gratitude to three people from your work list.

  Go back to the list of people, things, or events for which you’re grateful. Circle the names of at least three people who are still alive. In the next 72 hours, reach out to express your gratitude to them in as high-touch a way as pos
sible: over lunch, having coffee, face-to-face, video conferencing, or by phone. At a minimum, you text them or send an email.

  When you do this, I’m confident that you’ll feel great about yourself. The other person will probably be surprised, delighted, and maybe even cry. (That’s OK, too.) Ideally, you tell them what they did for you, why that was important, and how their actions made you feel. (Don’t be surprised if they come back with a long list of things that they want to thank you for!) If you really want, you can put a recurring calendar reminder to reach out to three new people — say, every month.

  Writing Activity 30:

  Related to your personal life, make a long list of people, things, and events you are grateful for.

  Writing Activity 31: Action Plan

  Express your gratitude to three people from your personal list.

  I’ve conducted this gratitude writing activity for many diverse groups of people over the years. One of the most unsettling things I ever see is when a person can only come up with four or five things they’re grateful for — either in their work lives or personal lives. Honestly, it’s hard for me to imagine.

  How can they not be grateful for their parents, or whoever raised them? How can they not be grateful for at least some teachers, coaches, or counsellors in grade school, high school, or college? How can they not be grateful for having a bed to sleep in, a roof over their head, and enough food to eat?

  When I see people really struggling to write out their gratitude list, I like to give them little prompts to help them see things through the lens of gratitude:

  Managers, colleagues, employees, IT support staff

  Neighbors, security officers, sanitation workers

  Firefighters, police officers, electric utility emergency workers

  Restaurants, bars, lounges, wineries

  College basketball teams, professional soccer teams, golf courses

  Cities, countries, languages, civilizations

  Mountains, rivers, trees

  Pizza, cocktails, sushi

  Artists, writers, musicians

  Shoe designers, TV shows, magazines

  Smartphone apps, social media sites, the internet

  Beethoven, Van Gogh … and the Grateful Dead

  I could easily create a list of 50 rock ‘n’ roll bands I am grateful for. Just starting this list reminds me of the book, 14,000 Things to Be Happy About by Barbara Ann Kipfer. Clearly she had a tremendous ability to give thanks.

  Gratitude helps you enjoy the life you already have. We’ve also explored the practices of forgiveness to let be, meditation to keep calm, and affirmations to boost your focus and confidence. Reading, thinking, and writing can all be very powerful. But how can we actually practice all of this, and live each day more fully?

  One way is what I call “the Magical 1 Percent.”

  Chapter Fifteen:

  The Magical 1 Percent

  Quick — tell me what percentage of your daily waking hours are 10 minutes?

  I had no idea until I did the math:

  Let’s assume you sleep 8 hours per night.

  24 hours in a day – 8 hours sleeping = 16 waking hours per day.

  16 hours x 60 minutes per hour = 960 waking minutes.

  Thus, 10 minutes / 960 minutes = 1.04 percent.

  So 10 minutes make up almost exactly 1 percent of your hours awake, every day.

  (If you get only 6 hours of sleep per night, then 10 minutes make up even less of your waking hours — just 0.93 percent.)

  Why should you care? Because I want to show you that just 10 minutes per day of meditation, forgiveness, affirmations, or gratitude practice can make the rest of your day better. Probably a lot better. Which is why I call that time “the Magical 1 Percent.” It’s the 1 percent of your day that makes the other 99 percent of your waking hours better.

  I need to point out that it’s not really “magic” at all.

  As you’ve already seen by reading this book, there is a mountain of scientific evidence for the benefits of forgiveness, meditation, affirmations, and gratitude.

  It’s not mysterious. It’s not supernatural.

  The benefits of forgiveness, meditation, affirmations, and gratitude almost seem too good to be true. But they are real. They are surprisingly simple. And they’re for you to enjoy.

  Of course, if you want to spend 2 percent or 4 percent of your waking hours in forgiveness, meditation, affirmations, or gratitude, then I think that’s wonderful. But I want to set the bar quite low, so that you can begin with this easy practice and then build from there, only as you wish.

  The Magical 1 Percent is your way to incorporate all of the benefits we’ve discussed in this book:

  There are many ways to practice the Magical 1 Percent. I encourage you to do whatever feels right for you. Here is one way:

  •Meditate for a few minutes.

  •Contemplate forgiveness for a few minutes.

  •Recite your affirmations for a few minutes.

  •Think about gratitude for a few minutes.

  That’s a lovely way to end your Magical 1 Percent on a high note.

  As for me, every morning, after doing about seven minutes of yoga and stretching, I set the timer on my iPhone and lie down on the floor. I meditate for 10 minutes. Immediately after that, I do my gratitude practice — naming softly all the people, experiences, and things for which I’m thankful. Then, I say my affirmations to myself. Finally, I think about how I desire to forgive myself and others. I quietly, under my breath, ask for forgiveness from those I’ve harmed.

  What is the result? I feel calm and mentally focused to create a wonderful day for myself. I feel present, knowing that what’s done is done. I’m hopeful for what I can affect going forward. I feel encouraged and confident that I have the discipline and process to execute on important, practical daily activities. (More on this in the next chapter on Habits.) I feel happy and thankful that there are so many spectacular aspects to my life.

  In my keynotes and master classes, I like to summarize and synthesize by practicing the Magical 1 Percent with the group. It might go something like this:

  OK, come back to your breath. Simply notice yourself breathing in, and breathing out …

  You can let your eyes close, if you want …

  You can sit or position yourself however you want …

  Notice any physical sensations you may have …

  You don’t need to have an opinion on anything …

  You don’t need to judge or change anything …

  When your mind wanders, just notice where it wanders to, and then gently, kindly, lovingly, bring your attention back to just this breath, here and now …

  Next, I move on to forgiveness:

  Think about actions you’ve taken, on purpose or unintentionally, that have hurt you. Recall the love you still feel for yourself. Hold yourself in compassion …

  Remember how you’ve harmed others. Everyone does this. Extend forgiveness to yourself, for being human …

  Recall how others have harmed you. Feel the weight of carrying this story, this pain in your heart. Consider the freedom that comes from letting be what has already passed. Sense the goodness of right now …

  Eventually, I transition to the affirmations …

  Now, I’d like you to think of just one of the affirmations you wrote earlier …

  Say that affirmation, over and over again, in your head …

  OK, now think of another affirmation you wrote. Go ahead and say that affirmation over and over again, in your head, as well. This is reinforcing the affirmation. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Imagine the reality of this affirmation as vividly and intensely as you can, using as many senses as you can …

  Finally, I transition to the gratitude part:

  So now, I’d
like you to think of someone you deeply, deeply love, and who loves you in return. Maybe it’s your son or daughter. Or your spouse or partner. Or your mom or dad. Or a close friend …

  Think of how they’ve helped you. Think of how they’ve loved and supported and cared for you. How they’ve listened to you and given you advice. Think of how they were there when you needed them …

  Picture them. Hear their voice. Feel their touch. Note their smell. Visualize them in as much detail as you can …

  Notice how you feel right now, as you think of your love for them …

  Now, think of another person you love deeply. See them. Hear them. Think of how they’ve helped you, loved you …

  This whole process can be as short as three minutes. Afterwards, participants say they feel very calm, refreshed, and happy. If you spend a full 10 minutes doing it, that will be the Magical 1 Percent of your day.

  You might be saying to yourself, “Hey, Jim, this sounds great. But as much as I’d like to practice the Magical 1 Percent, I can never find the time. I always want to do it, but other stuff comes up, so it doesn’t happen!”

  I get it. Finding time and developing new routines and practices can be extremely hard to do without the right instruction. So the next section will show you simple, scientifically proven ways to establish new habits.

  To get the most out of this book, please keep reading!